


My Heart Has No Room For You But The Trunk Of My Car Definitely Does

by futuretrapqueen



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 01:56:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4416617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futuretrapqueen/pseuds/futuretrapqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was nothing like summer in Barcelona. Anything could happen in the off season.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart Has No Room For You But The Trunk Of My Car Definitely Does

**Author's Note:**

> I've been MIA for a minute.  
> Thought I'd throw something longer than a drabble at you.  
> Enjoy :)
> 
> *This was previously titled 'Bitches Be Thirsty' but I changed it. I just wasn't feeling it. Other than that, everything else is the same :)*

"Ney, do you like onion in your eggs?"

There was nothing like summer in Barcelona. Anything could happen in the off season.

Take today, for instance.

Neymar was seated at Leo's kitchen table watching Leo's boyfriend aka _Cristiano Fucking Ronaldo_ cook him scrambled eggs.

For breakfast.

In nothing but an apron and a pair on unnecessarily tight boxer briefs.

"Ney?"

The Portuguese mans abs were on full display, like newly laid bricks on the side of a house and _really who gave him the right?_

"Neymar?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah onion is fine. Thank you Cris."

Leo was seated at the kitchen table next to Neymar. He was watching the young Brazilian watch Cristiano and as amusing as it was - you could probably write the word 'DICK' in bold letters across Neymar's forehead with a permanent marker and the kid wouldn't notice - it also unnerved Leo slightly.

And Cris? Of course Cris noticed.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the most beautiful eyes, Neymar? They're stunning."

"Oh, well. I don't know about that ..."

"No really it's ... it's hard to focus sometimes during El Clasico. Especially when you get close to me. Very distracting."

Neymar blushed.

Cris smirked.

Leo fumed.

"Leo, baby, aren't his eyes beautiful?"

"I mean I guess ..."

"Seriously Ney-Ney, they're gorgeous."

 _Ney-Ney?_ What the fuck was Cris playing at?

"Gosh, thanks Cris. That's really nice of you to say."

"Well I only speak the truth, Ney-Ney. Now, do you want coffee or tea with breakfast?"

~

"Everything was delicious, Cris. Thank you."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it Ney-Ney ... Leo, how was your food, love?"

"It was good."

"Good? God, do you see what I have to put up with? I slave away in the kitchen all day and all he has to say is 'good'."

"Cris, seriously? You were in the kitchen for maybe 25 minutes ..."

"He doesn't appreciate me, Ney-Ney."

"... and you scrambled some eggs. That's literally all you did."

"He just walks all over me, all the time."

"Well your eggs were the best I've ever had, Cris."

Cristiano beamed at Neymar.

"You're so sweet, Ney-Ney ... Oh. Here, you have a little something just ..." Cris swiped his thumb across Neymar's bottom lip "... there. All gone."

Neymar blushed.

Cris smirked.

Leo fumed.

~

"So tell me, Ney-Ney. How was your vacation?"

"Oh, it was really good actually. I spent some time in Brazil and then I flew a bunch of my friends to Miami."

"That must have been fun! Leo, doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Uh huh ..."

"Leo and I can't go anywhere hot and sunny for too long. His pasty little body just can't handle it ..."

Leo shot Cristiano a nasty look.

"... but you love the sun. Don't you Ney-Ney? You look so good. I bet your body looks amazing tanning on the beach. As if you're eyes weren't distracting enough ..."

Neymar blushed.

Cris smirked.

Leo fumed.

~

It was getting late.

Neymar hadn't planned on staying all day, but Cristiano kept insisting and invited him for dinner.

He was making his homemade spaghetti and meatballs with extra cheesy garlic bread.

Leo, at this point, had become a mute. He was pissed off beyond belief, but not at Neymar. No. He couldn't blame the kid for ogling the beautiful Portuguese man - homeboy was a 10 - but Leo _could_ take issue with his boyfriend. Yes he could.

And he believed a little payback was in order.

~

Leo was in the middle of setting the table when Cristiano noticed that he had put out an extra plate and cutlery.

"You expecting someone?"

"Yup."

"Oh? And who might that be?"

And just like that the doorbell rang.

"Ney, do you mind getting that?"

A few moments later, Neymar returned with a young, good looking brunette man trailing behind him.

And really.

Cris should have known.

"James! I'm happy you could make it _pequeño_." Leo hugged James for longer than he should have - but for good measure of course - and rubbed the Colombian boys back a few times before letting him go.

"Thanks for the invite, Leo ... Hey Cris, it's good to see you."

"James, it's good to see you too," Cristiano said sweetly, even if he was slightly annoyed at the entire situation.

If Leo thought he was going to win this, he had another thing coming.

"Why don't you boys sit down." Cristiano said gesturing to James and Neymar and then to the dining room table. "Leo, my love, don't be rude. Poor our handsome guests some wine."

~

They were all seated around Leo's dining room table. Cris and Leo on one side. James and Neymar on the other. Cristiano was plating the spaghetti while Leo poured more win.

"Gosh, could you imagine if we all played together?" Leo said, chucking softly. 'We'd be pretty unstoppable."

"I have to agree." James said, smiling at Leo.

"My God, you have the most beautiful smile. Cris, how do you handle that smile on a regular basis? It's incredible."

"Oh I could ask you the same thing, Leo. What with Neymars eyes and all. I'm surprised you guys make it through training sessions! I mean just look at them now for a few seconds and ... " Cristiano pressed the pipping hot tongs he was using to plate the spaghetti against Leo's arm causing the Argentine to yelp. "Oops, sorry baby. You see? You're a problem Neymar."

Cristiano winked at the Brazilian.

Unfazed, Leo reached across the table and ran his hand through James' hair.

"Your hair looks great. I feel like I've seen this haircut before though."

"Well Cris introduced me to his barber a while back ..."

"Ah yes. Your haircuts look very similar, but I have to be honest with you James ..." Leo said, cupping the young Colombian boys face. " ... it looks way better on you than it does on him." Nodding in Cristiano's direction.

And no.

_Oh, hell no._

Leo just crossed a motherfucking line.

"You know you're one to talk about haircuts, baby. What with the mullet you rocked for the first 19 years of your life."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, whatever floats your boat I suppose, but why you'd willingly want to look like Billy Ray Cyrus is beyond me."

"What the fuck, Cris?"

"Even when you cut it though, it was that weird Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Rings circa 2001 thing. You were doing yourself no favors."

"Well at least I came to my senses, Cris. We can't say that about you and your fashion choices now can we?"

"DON'T EVEN GO THERE LEO! DO NOT EVEN GO THERE, YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CRITICI - " Cristiano, in his fit of rage, knocked the basket of cheesy garlic bread off the table and into the laps of James and Neymar who were staring at the two of them like they had committed a murder and left the evidence clear as day all over the house.

"Shit ..." Cristiano jumped up from his seat and ...

Oh.

Yes.

He saw his opportunity to end this shit once and for all.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head, dabbed it into the water jug that Leo had placed on the table beside the wine, dropped to his knees between James and Neymar and began dabbing the grease off of their pants.

"I'm so sorry boys." Cristiano said, giving James and Neymar his most adoring puppy eyes. "I'm sure Leo wouldn't mind me sticking these in the wash for you." He said placing his hands on James and Neymars belt buckles. "Right, baby? You don't mind."

Neymar blushed.

Cris smirked.

James gaped.

Leo fumed.

The spaghetti went cold, the wine got warm and really, there was nothing like summer in Barcelona.

Anything could happen in the off season.

Seriously.

Fucking _anything._


End file.
